Tensions Mount

There have been multiple emails and phone calls in the complaint department the past twelve hours or so. It seems that posting a picture of Mike D's belly before posting a picture of his opponent, Mr. Gasdia, is a lopsided way of doing business, almost extortionate. The consternation between the two teams is apparent. Considering we have viewers from around the world, we would like to make everyone happy. I'm sure the people in Bat Yam, Tel Aviv; Pangkor, Malaysia; Kaskinen, Finland; and of all places Howell, Michigan would agree. You know who you are, Site Meter does not lie.

Now, before the picture is revealed we must examine the fucking story behind this pathetic commitment to Mr. Gasida's obligation. I would assume that everyone knows that Zapp's Cajun Dill Gator-Tators are nearly irresistible. They are tastier, crunchier and even cholesterol free. However, does that mean you have to fucking sleep with them? No. But what we have here is a man sleeping on the fucking job, literally. Those chips are so damn good that he took them home that night and went to bed with them. While Team Gasdia is known to have the dedication of a freight train, this picture exposes a vulnerability that has gone unnoticed, until now. Team Mike D, observe, it appears that Gator-Tators are a form of Kryptonite.

BEHOLD!!!

EMERGENCY UPDATE I: It looks like Team Gasdia had a deceitful plan over the Thanksgiving holiday persuading Sara LeBlanc a.k.a. Mystery Sponsor, to overfeed and coerce his opponent, Mike D to consume mass quantities of casserole. Now, if you are too retarded to remember from last night, Sara is Mike D's cousin. This is blood vs. blood, not even a sanctuary from your own fucking family. You will be ambushed. If you guys were smart, you won't even talk to your parents for the next 34 days.

A Case of the Mondays

It just wouldn't be a good start to the week unless you started it with a good diet joke and a picture of Mike D's belly. Now, we do not yet know if the Mike D belly sighting is pre-turkey, or post-turkey but regardless of the time frame, the picture in itself is astonishing. You have been forewarned, this picture is alarming. However, you'd be a fool not to figure out that one of the reasons this stupid site is up and running is because of his growing belly.

BEHOLD!!!

This joke is to make you slightly chuckle, not laugh.

A guy calls a company and orders their five-day/ 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program, "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, your mine." He lost 63 pounds that week.

Mondays are not for motivational videos. Let it be noted, Mondays are for remembrance on your idiotic mistakes, decisions, and the overestimations you have made throughout the weekend.

UPDATE I: Lloyd has secretly changed his goal for the competition. Details cannot be divulged.

UPDATE II: Lloyd's mystery sponsor has finally come out and revealed herself. It is Mike D's cousin, Sara LeBlanc! This has officially turned into a battle against blood. Some would say, similar to the Civil War, the deadliest in American history. Developing...